


Rabbit Hearted Girl

by tadpole_party



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Character Reflection, F/F, me? projecting onto Melanie? never
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tadpole_party/pseuds/tadpole_party
Summary: A series of thoughts about the sound of a heartbeat, adrenaline, and gentler touches.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Melanie King
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	Rabbit Hearted Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Titled taken from Rabbit Heart by Florence and the Machine. I may have projected some here but it’s cool. Not awesomely written, but was fun to write anyways.

Adrenaline is what Melanie King knew. It’s what she understood. The rules of violence were easy, they made sense. It was about power. It had always been about power.

Sometimes when she closed her eyes she could see her own heart in her fist. Dark red and fleshy. So human. She could feel it pumping around her hand. This is what she knew. Her heartbeat, the want to move, to hurt. 

The first time she threw a knife and hit the target correctly she imagined that it had hit Elias in the chest. In the place where his heart should be. She doubted his heart did much at all. She doubted there was a heart even in there. Instead of a heart there was a cold empty cavern and a feeling of being watched. She learned how to throw two knives at the same time and imagined that she hit him square in the eyes.

Anger made sense. Melanie had the right to be angry! Look at what the world has done to you! You don’t deserve this! No one deserves this! So she relished in her anger. Felt the thump of her own heart and the blood in her veins and it felt good. It felt so good.

Her leg hurt, she knew that it did. She didn’t notice around the steadiness of the heartbeat. It was so easy. She was so aware of her own body and the bodies of others. How easy it would be to hurt another person. People were so fragile and she was so angry and so tired. 

The day Georgie asked her out for coffee, she said yes on instinct. Felt the familiar adrenaline. Georgie with her dark skin and pretty eyes, kind words and good humor. Melanie was terrified of her. How could someone live so easily? How could someone be so beautiful? 

The date went well. So there were more. Melanie lived on the rush she got the first time Georgie kissed her. Melanie kissed her back harder. 

There were bad nights when Melanie couldn’t sleep. Sometimes Georgie was there with her, sometimes she wasn’t. Melanie wanted to be better for Georgie. Gentler for her. The bad nights when Georgie there, Melanie would turn and look at her. Listen to her breathing. Wondering if there was any chance that their heartbeats could be in sync but knowing deep down that they weren’t. The nights when Georgie wasn’t there, Melanie would just stare at the ceiling, listening to the rushing of her pulse in her ears. 

The worst nights were when she dreamt. Her father being consumed. John Amherst’s face. Elias Bouchard’s face. She would wake up screaming or crying or both. When Georgie was there she would hold her. Melanie would shake in her arms. Georgie would look so lost those nights, unsure of what to do. Her pretty face shining with worry. Melanie’s heart so loud that she swore the sound filled the room. 

She woke up with the bullet gone and she felt like weeping. She was so, so tired. She reached for the sound of her own heart beating and could not find it. She missed it. God, the anger was so familiar. The anger was what she knew. Was what she was. Without it what was there to do? What was left of her?

She spent the couple of days after that feeling empty and exhausted. She wandered the archives. It always felt so endless. She was sick of feeling watched. She put her finger to her wrist and felt her pulse. It was so gentle. She sat there and finally let herself cry. Staring at the pieces of herself that were being held together by adrenaline that had now collapsed all around her. She flipped Elias off. Fuck him for watching. 

Georgie tiptoed around her those next couple days. Told her that there was a change, that it wasn’t bad. That she loved Melanie. That she wanted her to get better. Melanie kissed the back of Georgie’s hand and held it up to her face. Georgie was so so kind. Melanie fought the exhaustion trying to consume her. 

Melanie felt lonely. So she talked to Georgie. Talked to a therapist. She hated work. She hated watching Jon stumble and fall blindly down his rabbit hole. All that knowledge and he somehow didn’t know that there was no good ending down that path. She hated watching him pine for Martin. She hated how they both isolated themselves. She hated Jon himself. She hated the feelings of betrayal. She cared for him too. She was really just tired. So she sat and bit her nails and wrote hate mail to Elias and his creepy husband or divorcee or whatever who now presided over the institute. 

The day she was told there was a way out she knew that she was going to take it immediately. No matter the pain, no matter the cost. Anything was better than this. She thought about calling Georgie before she did it. She compromised by looking at her photo instead. Melanie was scared. She was used to fear. Fear drove anger. Anger kept her and everyone she cared about alive. But she didn’t want to be angry anymore. This fear was different. 

This was the fear of the future. A better future. With Georgie and The Admiral. Away from the institute. Away from this shit show. She told Jon to call her an ambulance, took one last look at the photo of Georgie on her phone and kissed it. Then she gouged her eyes out.


End file.
